Dangers of venting & texting and possible remedies & tips.... 7/28/15

Dear actor, producer, director, writer, musician, human being...

Be aware of dangers in lack of discretion/forethought in venting/blasting and texting/email. Understand what these dangers are, and know what you can do to make sure there are no misunderstandings and that real issues are addressed properly and in the best way.

Sincerely,
The other side

I was on the phone with a music producer friend of mine who was working on an album some time ago who was venting to me about a subcontractor who had let him to believe the subcontractor was working on the files for five months.

The subcontractor had texted him at 1 am one night, to say he was sending the files back to the music producer so that the producer could work on it himself and that the subcontractor was too busy and giving up. When that producer opened the files up, the files were a mess, the tracks were unlabeled and the  tracking timelines were incoherent... no work had been done, and my friend was stark raving mad and venting.

I bring this episode to illustrate the importance of the proper uses of text messages, direct phone calls and of venting. I seen and have been on both sides of these kinds of episodes and hopefully these tips will help you avoid giving and receiving the consequences as I had.

TEXTING/EMAIL
-you should be using emoticons as needed. and sometimes a j/k or lol can help. On texts, people may not get your sense of humor.

- Any mistake or big news should be delivered in person or a phone call ( if you need too additionally text then do so, but deliver the message in person or a phone call!)

-REMEMBER that once a message is sent, it is out there. It can be copy/pasted and forwarded anywhere and everywhere, taken in context or out of context. Before you put it out there, you better be DAMN sure it is conveying what you want to put out there.

-On occasion, the relationship and transactions are not just between the 2 parties but may involve many other people and projects, both personal and professional: choose your actions and words wisely... they may have very lasting effects.

VENTING/BLASTING
- Sometimes things DO need to be expressed right away in real time, not only after some time has passed. Many times if a screw up happens, there is an urge to blow up right then and there.

-The author Dale Carnegie once wrote that one should (paraphrased) "Praise in public, criticize in private"

-Sometimes it is best to take the person aside and give your two cents away from the rest of the group. I had to do this with someone on a production not too long ago. The person had screwed up and I let them know privately away from the rest of the cast/crew. Doing so let them save face at that time, let me address the concern and take a corrective action immediately, avoided spilling toxic vibes into the set and ultimately let us finish the filming on time.

-One tip I had given to this music producer was to take some time and his phone/recorder and tape himself talking to himself in private, in a mirror or to an object that represented the person he wanted to vent/chew out/ reprimand/ explain things to. Go full force, say everything you need to say.

Then, go back and listen and transcribe what was said.

  Hopefully, you'll figure out really quickly what you want to keep and what you want to erase. Once you get the words out and on paper for you to try to clearly communicate , ***THEN DELETE THE RECORDING!!*** and when the communication is finished ****DESTROY THE TRANSCRIPT*** (as applicable)

Sometimes pausing and buffering is the thing that will enable you to salvage a potentially devastating outburst from happening, potentially poisoning future activity. (my friend's priority is currently  trying to get the project completed and done... so he has to communicate with this person to at least see if he can figure out how he recorded things, then he'll see what he has to do with everything and everyone else involved)

-Yes, boundaries and expectations have to be reaffirmed and the working relationship has to be redefined. However, It's like a play in a sporting event,  or a maneuver in a battle:

If something goes wrong, what are you going to do? Will you sit there, vent, complain and blame? OR will you  get your emotions under control, use your mind to get the next actions/alternatives figured out, get back in the fight and get whatever needs to get done completed?

Your call.

Be well,
Vincent

My name is Vincent Veloso. I am a writer, producer, director, actor and musician and martial artist. I have worn many hats in my career, learned some things, still learning, but in this blog, I will be addressing my experience and insights making films and music... stories from casting to wrap party... the good, the bad, the really bad and the ugly.... and the really ungood.


I never use real names, and many times I address my concerns on the day directly to people in real time. I point out my own missteps  just as much if not more because I have been that actor/writer/producer/director who has made the same gaffes just as much if not more. Hopefully as I address the circumstances,  others can gain valuable insight, through story and my experiences, it will give people help. It is not meant to be mean spirited, but like all subjective commentary and blogs, and many other existing advice and commentary articles, I understand that audience perception is subjective and do hope you know that I hope to help others.


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